Goldish
by EmberSkies
Summary: All the Dexholders are gathered at a vacation home at Professor Oak's request. Hilarity and insanity ensues. COMPLETE AND UTTER CRACK; you have been warned. Full PokeSpe cast.


**A/N:** Blue = female. Green = male. I use the Japanese version.

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"Wake up."

"Wha…?" Blue blinked twice, bleary eyes focusing on the swaying red hair encompassing her vision. Hmm . . . beautiful red hair . . . "Silver?"

"Finally." Blue heard him huff, and the curtain of crimson disappeared. Ugh . . . that elusive hair of his . . . She'd have to kidnap him and style it herself one of these days. Blue added it to her mental to-do list, right after Operation Canon!shippings commenced.

Silver narrowed his metallic eyes at her suspiciously as she sat up, raking her hair away from her eyes. He gathered his silky scarlet hair in his hands and glared at her. "Don't even think about it."

Blue nodded. "Sure, sure, Silvy-chan," she sang, dancing over to the sink. After splashing some water on Silver (and messing up his luscious hair, too—what a pity), she washed up and changed into a black dress.

...what? It wasn't like she had anything else to change into. Her entire wardrobe was identical black dresses and leg warmers. She was pretty sure—with the exception of a few outfits or so—the other Dexholders faced the same predicament. Except for Ruby, of course.

"Blue-senpai!" Oh, my. Speak of the devil. "That is absolutely unacceptable! Here, I've designed you a new outfit. Please wear it!"

"Oh, my wonderful kohai!" Blue squealed, fawning over the blue and violet dress Ruby had handed her. "I knew I liked you for a reason, my fabulous underclassman! But really, Ruby, you're almost too good at this. Are you sure you're completely straight? Or maybe, just maybe, you're just a super pervert? My, my, I didn't think you'd stoop so low—"

"I'm not!" Ruby blushed madly, both appalled and embarrassed. Just as Blue predicted, the younger Dexholder had fallen for it, hook, line and sinker. "I'm not, Blue-senpai, really, I'm not—"

"Oh, I know. I was just teasing you, you innocent little lamb." Blue let out a high-pitched, girly giggle, pinching poor Ruby on both cheeks. "You shouldn't be so gullible, you know. Besides, I ship FranticShipping too hard to allow _that._ I hope you've got the guts to make it happen."

Ruby, spluttering and blushing (he'd heard her blab about shippings often enough to know _exactly_ whom FranticShipping referred to) followed an aloof Silver down the stairs. Both of them had enough self-preservation to stay a good few meters behind Blue, who all but pranced into the kitchen.

"Greenie-kun!" Blue squealed, dashing towards Green. The spiky haired Dexholder skillfully dodged her assault, all the while tossing pancakes in the air above a frying pan. Anyone watching would be able to tell that Green had _way_ too much experience dealing with Blue.

"Pesky woman," he muttered, though his words were laced with an undertone of affection. "Go sit in the living room until the pancakes are ready."

"Aww, is Greenie-kun too _nervous_ to show his true feelings?" Blue cooed, almost tauntingly. "You know, there are plenty of OldrivalShippers who read this scene with bated breath."

"I doubt that. Sit." Green, unlike Ruby, was not as well versed in the language of OTPs, and therefore did not know what OldrivalShipping was. He could guess, though, and quickly surmised that the best course of action was to stay as far away from that crazy woman as possible. For now.

" _Gold!"_ The unusually high but clearly masculine shriek clearly came from Ruby, who was staring at Gold with his hands on his hips. "I was going to give that to Sapphire!"

"Oh, please." Gold snorted, sitting back on the couch and spreading his arms like a king. "It's mine now. You've made enough clothes for your girlfriend. Besides, don't you think it suits me better?" He raised his voice and began to sing obnoxiously loudly, horribly off-key. " _I'M SO FANCY!"_

"Oh god." Ruby promptly fled to the kitchen, where Gold's voice could still be clearly heard. " _YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH!"_

Everyone had pancakes in the kitchen. Green was serving fresh ones onto a plate before pouring more batter into the pan. Red, Yellow and Blue sat at the table (hey, the primary colors! That sounds like a bad art joke. Red, Yellow and Blue walked into a bar—yeah, I should probably stop now). Ahem. Anyway, Yellow drizzled dainty designs with syrup onto her pancakes, while Red practically soaked the poor flapjacks with it. Blue just dumped a big glob of syrup on top, and began to eat.

"Hi! Oh my gosh, are those pancakes?!" Emerald looked appalled. "You're eating them without me?!" He dashed through the kitchen, screeching to a halt near Green in order to snatch a plate right out of his hands, and slid all the way over to the table across the smooth tile floor. Pearl and Diamond weren't too far behind, grabbing a mound of pancakes each and devouring them in hungry, ravenous gulps.

Platina Berlitz walked daintily down the stairs. Her sharp heels rapped on the tile floor as she strutted up to Green. "Good morning, commoner. What's for breakfast?"

Green threw her a plate, which Platina only barely caught between her thumb and index finger. "Flapjacks. Pancakes, if you will. No shoes in the house."

"My apologies." Platina strutted back over to the doormat.

"Gold, _what are you wearing."_ Somehow, the question came out as a statement, as Crystal eyed Gold with her hands on her hips.

"I'M IN THE FAST LANE— oh, hi, Crys! Oh, do you like my new hat?"

Now, before you read on, first know that Gold's new hat, the same one he snatched from Ruby, was a rainbow baseball cap with a pink Ho-oh stitched on the front. Now close your eyes for a moment, and imagine our dear friend Gold wearing that. It's not very pleasant imagery, is it? Well, actually, it may be, since you're practically dying from laughter as you envision such a sight.

Crystal took one look at him and spun around, a hand over her eyes, heading towards the stairs. "I'm going back to bed."

Gold scampered after her. "Wait! _Cryyyysss_!"

Blue threw a pancake at his head. "Eat, loser! You're being rude to Greenie-kun, who so graciously offered you pancakes!" She looked positively affronted.

Green gave a long-suffering sigh and dropped his head into his hands. He looked mortified. "Red, you take over."

Red shrugged and took the pan, sliding his remaining flapjacks across to Green. Green took a bite, scrunching up his nose in disgust before pausing, shrugging, and taking another bite.

"THANKS FOR THE FOOD!" Gold's loud voice quite literally shook the house, resounding clearly from upstairs.

Silver cringed, plugging his ears with his fingers. "Stop yelling, Gold!"

"YOU'RE WELCOME!" Blue screamed back.

Oh, what he'd give to be back in bed. Silver sincerely regretted waking Blue up, or even venturing downstairs in the first place. He should have known this would happen.

"Crystal had the right idea," he thought aloud, somewhat regretfully.

"STOP STEALING MY GIRLFRIEND'S IDEAS — ACK!"

"WE'RE NOT DATING!"

"YEAH WE ARE — wait, we aren't?"

What he would have given, right now, for a simple moment of peace and quiet.

Honestly. _Is that too much to ask of them?_

"GOLD, GET OUT OF MY ROOM."

Silver buried his face in his arms. Of course it was.

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 **A/N: this is what happens when i am given a computer during a sugar rush. i wrote this in seventh grade. on a sugar rush. you have no right to judge me. gary oak is a unicorn.**


End file.
